Consuming as a block to creating

Sharing an invitation to reflect on your relationship with consumption.

This post, like many I’ve written before, essentially wrote itself based on what I’ve been reflecting on. Specifically, the impetus for this post came from the recognition that my drive to create (e.g. writing an early draft of something I look forward to sharing more widely in the future) was being subconsciously sabotaged by distraction.

No doubt, creating often is the “harder” thing, requiring adequate time and space. Yet even when I clear my plate, I find I am often searching for distraction. The form of distraction that is the focus of this post and most compelling is consumption. Digital consumption, to be even more specific.

Digital consumption also goes by more euphemistic labels in my head, such as “researching a topic more”, looking for the answer to a specific question, “exploration” and “enlightenment”. It usually begins with the best of intention, but before long it has gone off course, and is nothing more than digital consumption, often trivial or utterly irrelevant filler. It’s easy enough for this to happen, and social media is designed to facilitate this- everything is right there, there really is so much to “click” on, and there seems to be so much going on (and it’s good to be current, right)?

While I am describing distraction and difficulty with follow through, this distraction is essentially a form of consumption. A pervasive form of consumption at that.

Consuming essentially means taking something in, whereas my intention was more around output.

There can be value in reflecting on this topic by processing what we are consuming, considering what we do with what we have consumed, and noticing the impact of what we have consumed on ourselves (or on our output). I invite you to answer these questions with active awareness and without judgement.

How is consumption currently having the most impact on your life?

How is consumption impacting your creativity or your productivity? Your mood? Your relationships?

Are you bringing intentionality into how you have been consuming recently? If so, how?

What changes would you like to make in terms of consumption?

If what is showing up for you here is a desire for a mindful reset with digital consumption, I can also suggest this series I had created guiding you through a digital detox.

Connecting with Women's History

As is typical for posts on our Reflecting on Reflecting blog, this post is a call to reflect and pause in this moment.

Being in THIS moment means different things to each of us, but for ALL of us (depending on when and where you are when reading this), this moment is part of Women’s History Month.

For some, awareness of Women’s History Month is certainly top of mind all month, whereas for others, it may go under the radar unless reminded of it by the world around them (e.g. themed playlists, announcements about special programming). Whatever your current level of awareness, all month long I invite you to spend some time recognizing, celebrating, honoring, appreciating, learning about (and from), and reflecting on women. Here are some questions to guide you in any of the above.

• What does it mean to you to call your attention to women’s history? To the importance of the women in your life or in the world?

• How have you taken a pause to bring awareness to and recognition of the meaning of this month for you (so far)?

• How is having a month devoted to women’s history impactful for you?

• What are some reflections you’ve had this month on your own relationships with the women in your life or the contributions of these women in your life (and in the world)?

• What are some additional ways for you to observe and connect with Women’s History Month that are meaningful to you?

Reflections are individual and this post was intended to guide you in this process. One or all may become your journal prompt today. As you answer the questions, you may notice that themes may emerge. What are these themes for you? You may notice other offshoots of topics that are meaningful for you to reflect upon. I encourage you to go there.

Because this is a topic where I feel particularly connected, I’ll share that I am pleased to have chosen to honor this month thus far by doing all of the following (and undoubtedly this list will grow):

• read several books by and about inspirational women, and reflected on many lessons that these books and these women have enriched me with

• supported and appreciated art, music, and other creative contributions of women

• proudly participated in community International Women’s Day celebrations

• had meaningful and empowering conversations about this topic

• shared and received wisdom from women in my personal and professional life

• connected with other inspiring women who are making history

• written this blog post

Finally, more broadly, as we enter each new month, collectively we are asked to direct our attention to foundational populations in our society, whether it be Native American Heritage Month in November, Pride Month in June, Black History in February. Whether or not we personally identify with the group being honored each month, we are asked to recognize the unique individual and collective contributions in much the same way as we are doing now.

I invite you to return to these questions to enhance the meaning of the moment for you.

Reflecting on the season of giving

It has been some time since we’ve published a post. A whole rotation around the sun, in fact. Here we are again in the season where the days are short and the clock of final days of the year is ticking away.

Perhaps it feels like a season of frenzy.

Perhaps it feels like a season of celebration.

As we approach the holidays, let us reflect on what the season of giving feels like for us.

Though through the frenzy, let us create and accept opportunities to unwind. Let’s remind ourselves to give ourselves the gift of calm, the gift of hitting pause, and the gift of stepping back.

Through the celebration let us give ourselves the gift of gratitude. Let us recognize who and what we are truly grateful for. Let us embrace all that we have accomplished, all that we have survived, and all of the good around us.

And through the season of giving, let us reflect on all that giving means for us. Through the gifts that we select for others, let us also remember to give ourselves what helps us feel nourished. Whether it comes in a pretty package or a simple holiday greeting, let us share what we can give. Whether we are surrounded by those we love this season or remain distanced, let us give from a place of genuineness and pleasure. Finally, however and whenever we see the need, may we give support to those who need it (which really is all of us).

What does the season of giving feel like for you this year?

For us, it will look like all of the above. And as we look to the year ahead, we have plans for continuing the season of giving. We plan on dedicating a lot of attention supporting charitable causes in months ahead. For example, as we lead into the new year, we will be donating all proceeds from the sales of our journals (including blank journals) to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. And extending throughout the year, proceeds from the sale of Reflections: A Journal Companion for the Cancer Journey will be donated to organizations which provide cancer support services. Our hope is that by continuing this season of giving throughout the year, we promote the gift of reflection- the gift that keeps on giving.

A Big Idea has hit the digital air waves

Lately, I’ve spent a lot of time listening. Listening to others, and listening to myself.

I hear how many of you have some of your greatest insights and ideas while on a walk, or while driving in your car. I’ve noticed when something I’ve listened to sticks because of what it activates in my own thinking. And I’ve listened to many around me who are connecting with an audio format of consuming stories, consuming ideas.

Since the original publication of The Big Idea Journal: A Tool for Facilitating Change and Bringing Your Idea to Life last year, I’ve been nurturing an idea that is an offshoot of my original idea. I could create an audio version of the Big Idea Journal that people could access on-the-go. I envisioned that this would meet many people where they currently are, listening to audiobooks, or who are auditory learners. I chose to pursue this idea. I went through many of the steps set forth in the process described in The Big Idea Journal, which, of course, is designed to help nurture an idea.

And now the audiobook of The Big Idea Journal is a reality. And the purpose of this new resource- guiding YOU in making YOUR idea a reality.

To listen to a sample of the audio, click on the image.

This past summer, I joined forces with rising talent Nicholas Eric French to try something new, adapting and recording our first audiobook: The Big Idea Journal: A Tool for Facilitating Change and Bringing Your Idea to Life. This involved getting clear on our mission, as well as establishing what we needed to do to help ensure our success in reaching others. Adapting a written workbook to an audible format presented opportunities to rethink how we absorb information and problem-solve. The reality is, we are all unique, and audiobooks are preferable for many for a variety of reasons. So we acknowledge the preferences and are rising to meet the need!

I pilot-tested audio recordings with users representing a range of familiarity with and preferences for audiobooks, across different ages and demographic backgrounds. I was curious about many factors that could impact both the usability of and the satisfaction with this resource. Collecting this feedback was useful in creating a resource with the intended impact. Some of the early feedback included the following excerpts:

“This Big Idea Journal audiobook is exciting and got my creative juices flowing.  Nicholas has a great voice for this project.  He is easy on the ears and makes you want to hear more.”

“I did not have trouble visualizing or understanding the instructions. Given the fact that most listeners will be writing along and focusing actively on the audiobook, I imagine listeners would easily understand the book.” 

“Great book, and an easy listen. I look forward to getting a copy and launching my ideas.  Great work.”

These statements, along with comments that helped to pinpoint areas to improve all felt very encouraging.

The process of creating this audiobook has illustrated this truth to me: Growth happens by challenging ourselves to try something new. I feel proud of the growth that came from taking on this challenge.

The reality is, we live in an ever-changing world (the comment below was written one year ago by a user with a spiral-bound copy of The Big Idea Journal), and our needs and preferences for information-management may change, depending on the situation. Some situations may lend itself even more for an audiobook than others. Regardless of the situation, we all are different; one size does not always fit all. I tend to process information visually, so I find the ability to listen to something is even more impactful when I am writing and recording. When I am using the audiobook version, I am doing so while I have a blank journal nearby. The bottom line is that this resource is designed for you to tailor to YOU.

One additional historical point: My recognition that an audiobook format for the guided prompts would meet the needs of many was not actually the first time I had had such an insight. I recognized that an audio format could reach those who are sparked and motivated by listening when I created this series outlined in this blog post on Simple Habit meditation app last year. This guided reflection series is also available for download on the app.

Whether you prefer a spiral-bound version or the audiobook version of The Big Idea Journal, I invite you to see for yourself how this resource can help you nurture something big!

-Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Clinical psychologist and author

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

Tips and tools to organize and prepare for what is on your horizon

This post focuses on concrete tips and tools to help you feel more organized, confident, and in-the-moment in THIS moment.

Let’s spend a moment reflecting on what we are collectively going through right now, and also what you are going through personally. Inequities and discrimination on a societal level and perhaps also a personal level. Uncertainty about what lies ahead on so many levels.

What are some of the big things for you right now?

How are you doing with all of this?

Of course, many right now are going back to “school”, though there is no certainty about exactly what that means this year. We’ve also been reflecting on what going back to school means and how that feels right now.

We’ve been talking to students about what this feels like for them. In fact, we’ve taken to Zoom to meet with students and talk to them directly about how things are feeling for them and how journaling can help guide them through the feelings of overwhelm and uncertainty. We’ve enjoyed this so much and we would love to continue this throughout the school year!

I’ll briefly highlight two workshops that we ran this summer, one with middle school-aged girls taking part in an online leadership-focused camp and one with undergraduates at Cornell University illustrating how impactful sharing an hour with a group of young people on top-of-mind topics can be.

Journaling Workshops for Youth

What we’ve seen is that, even while on a Zoom call, taking the time to reflect on directed prompts makes a notable difference in terms of self-awareness and achieving clarity. Creating and running these workshops has been a huge positive for us this summer. We (intern Nicholas and myself) felt satisfied that we could provide concrete tools, and these tools and discussions were appreciated.

So much so that we hope to do this again soon.

If your organization or group, whether for adults or youth, is interested in a journaling workshop customized to your needs and interests, please reach out directly.

Organizational tools, masks, and swag

Another experience we have had this summer that has felt positive:

time at home = time to create.

Yes, that has meant some journaling and writing, and several passion projects are still works-in-progress. We’ve dabbled into other types of creating as well. While we anticipate that there will be more creating to come, for now we proudly introduce digital art… for your journals (and for yourselves!). We have created tools for organization and for flair. Our stickers are accessories for your journals! Follow WRGJournaling on Redbubble to see what else will be coming soon!

For example, we’ve just designed and released some new products to support the transition to “back-to-school” (wherever school is). These include organizational products and just-for-fun swag, such as canvas pencil bags, blank notebooks, masks, and stickers for laptops, notebooks, etc.

We’re especially excited about our “pencil & notebook” pattern (created by our graphic design junior intern). This pattern has inspired a range of products perfect for all the students (and journalers) in your life. Regardless of where school is happening this year, you'll be organized! The products below are available our new Redbubble store (you can also search for WRGJournaling, and you can also “follow” us there and “like” what you like).

All of this started because of an idea to create stickers, and to write about this story is tangential. So we’ll save this for our next blog post, coming soon!

If what you’ve read about here compels you to want to learn more or to share this post with others…. you know what to do- be in the moment and reach out!

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder,

Writereflectgrow.com

Reflecting on Patterns You Bring to Your Relationship

It’s (still) April, 2020, and we’re still living in a time where we’ve hit pause on so many things.

But living and interacting with our partners is very much still happening. And you may find yourself reflecting on some of the relationship dynamics you are experiencing right now. For example:

Exerpt from Reader’s Digest

Relationships are built upon the exchange of interactions, decisions, actions, and ideas between the two partners. These exchanges are also happening in the greater context of everything else happening all around them. Over time, these exchanges form or fall into a pattern.

The patterns may have roots in our own history; either the history that you and your partner has established, the history of what you and your partner brings to your relationship, or possibly all of the above! Here are some reasons why it is important to notice patterns.

The Importance of Patterns

• Patterns can repeat themselves from relationship to relationship without our awareness. 

• Shifting our focus to noticing these patterns will help us to recognize when they are repeating themselves, and also what could be triggering the patterns.

• This then allows us the opportunity to make choices in the moment. We can choose to do something different, if the pattern is not working for us, or we can keep doing what IS working for us. We can mindfully choose to react in a way that is healthy for our relationships. 

What happens when we take the time to reflect on what WE bring to our relationship with our partners?

Many positives can result from making the effort to reflect on what we are contributing to our own relationship dynamics. In short, reflection can strengthen your relationship. You may have intuitively known this, which was what drove you to read this post.

If you’re looking for a place to start, I’ll gladly guide you. Here are some questions that might resonate with you. I invite you to jot down your responses, as this may lead to some new insights.

Historically, what dynamics have repeated themselves in your relationships, perhaps from partner to partner?

What in your relationship is working for you right now? What can you do to help ensure that this will continue into the future?

What in your relationship is not working for you right now? What could you do differently that could possibly improve the outcome? I invite you to brainstorm all different kinds of things you can do, even if you don’t think they’ll get you far. Here, it’s tempting to dismiss ideas that you think won’t work for you without really thinking about them. Opening up by brainstorming may allow you to see things that you hadn’t seen before or see things from a new perspective.

What has it been like for you to think about these questions?

If you appreciate this opportunity to reflect, I invite you to join me in an online workshop that I created designed to help guide you in strengthening your relationships through reflecting on relationship patterns, entitled, “An Inside-out Approach to Strengthening Your Romantic Relationship”. This is a free event happening live on May 6th at 3pm EST, and you can register for this event here. Even if you do not participate in the live event, you will be able to participate at a later time as long as you register by using the link. I’ll be there and I’d love to see you and/ or your partner here too! Drop a line if you plan to attend!

Whether or not you join me in this workshop, I hope that you’re putting this reflection to good use, as noticing, reflecting, and critically examining these patterns may be efforts that pay off in large ways in your relationship. See for yourself!

Best,

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write.Reflect.Grow

The many benefits of journaling when you are going through something big

“There are uses to adversity, and they don’t reveal themselves until tested. Whether it’s serious illness, financial hardship, or the simple constraint of parents who speak limited English, difficulty can tap unexpected strengths.”

-U.S. Supreme Court Justice, Sonia Sotomayor

We all go through tough times or face challenging situations. In fact, we are all going through something “big” right now, the uncertainties of weathering a global pandemic and the associated implications and emotions.

Whatever it is that you face, the following statement is true: Journaling can guide you along this journey.

In fact, journaling can be one of the most useful tools to help you get through or help process something big that you’re going through. As a practicing psychologist, I’ve had the privilege of guiding people as they navigate many big challenges that they face. Some people note how they have relied on journaling to help guide them during this time, and we reflect on what they’ve gained from that experience. For those who aren’t already journaling, I encourage the practice of journaling help them continue to understand where they would like to go and how to get there, or to help them grow or feel better.

What are some of the benefits of journaling when you’re facing something big?

Benefits of journaling when you are going through something BIG:

• Journaling offers a safe place for emotional release, providing a space to  “get it out.”

• Journaling can help us get organized. It can help us plan and figure things out so that we can better make decisions for ourselves.

• Journaling lends itself to reflection, self-awareness and improved understanding of ourselves and making sense of patterns.

• Journaling results in a record- a record of our thoughts or our feelings or our experiences. We can then pull the wisdom from creating this record and apply it to anything in our lives or well-being.

All of these benefits are seen clearly when journaling is used to help guide someone through the journey of going through something big.

To illustrate:

The example I’ll highlight in this post is the impact of journaling while going through cancer. A large part of my private practice focuses in oncology. I help people adjust to and process how cancer has impacted their lives. A year ago, I created a workshop series for those who had been diagnosed with cancer to learn how to cultivate (or reconnect) with this practice, through learning skills and building community. The workshops have been a huge success and have been meaningful for both the participants and myself, and I have thought a lot about the lessons learned from participating in this series. Furthermore, because of these workshops, I have built upon the program materials I had created for the workshop and have published a journal for those who are at any point on the cancer journey, as patients, survivors, or caregivers. And if you’re interested in hearing more, I’ve explored this topic on a radio program, describing the role that journaling can play in one’s cancer journey.

I may not even have needed to write this blog post to convince you, but hopefully this has helped you see the tremendous value in journaling when you are going through something big!

If you are curious about the tools you see me holding in the photo below, here’s how you can obtain a copy of these just-published resources!

Reflections: A Journal Companion for the Cancer Journey

Self-Reflections: A Journal for Exploration and Growth

Happy journaling to all!

-Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow

And author of what I am holding!

Foresight is 20/20, Hindsight is 2019

With hours left in this year (and in this decade), I now feel the urgency to pause to reflect on exactly what this means to me.

2020 still feels science fiction-y to me, but I recognize it is where we are now and will be in the moments soon to come.

I’ve learned that there is no greater place to be than in the present. In the present, you can create the moments that you want to become your past. That is the power in being here now.

There is also immense power in reflecting on where we have been. We can use our accumulated wisdom that comes from reflecting on the past year and over the past decade to shape where we would like to go. I invite you to join me in this journey of reflection of where you’ve been this past year and decade and what you’d like to see for your future.

As I reflect on the past decade of my life, the first thing that stands out is that it was not uneventful. To the contrary, I experienced pivotal events and decisions that have since altered life trajectories. Additionally, these events and decisions have shaped how I continue to approach each day going forward. Hands down, the most valuable part of having had these life experiences is the opportunity to learn and to continue to grow from them.

So today I am asking myself some questions about how I would like to shape the next year (and decade) of my life. I’ll share some of these questions with you, to help guide your own reflections and planning for the year to come:

What are the highlights that stand out from my year in review? Highlights do not necessarily mean the things we may share on social media or write on a holiday card. Highlights can also represent personal successes, learning experiences, and decisions.

What are the highlights that stand out from my decade in review?

Thinking ahead, what is my vision for myself for this new year?

What is my vision for things I hope to make happen this year, whether in my life or in my world?

What from this past year (and decade) would I like to carry forward into the new year?

What would I like to change this year?

What does this change look like?

How do I envision making this change?

I am sharing these questions should they be useful in guiding you to find clarity in your vision for the new year. To me, 2020 connotes clarity. 20/20 clear vision, not clouded by the past or blurry about the things we can’t accurately see. To me, 2020 is using hindsight to guide foresight.

If you would like, please share your meaningful reflections or visions for your new year. See what happens when you share.

Then go make it happen!

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.